overheard.

Here are some things I heard people say at the weekend.

I think I'll wear it on a non-day (said by a five year old)
It's her granny knickers innit (said by a fifteen year old boy, sat on the train with two friends.)
Will everyone at church know its my birthday? (said by another five year old)
Why does everyone have to have a voice? (said by a four year old)

Pauls pictures.

I don't understand the pictures Paul has been putting up. He did explain one of them to me, but I still didn't really get it. I keep looking at them in the hope I will understand, but however much I stare I just don't get it. I think I must generally be a bit thick at getting things. I love to watch the BBC television program Hustle. In conversation with other people who also watch Hustle it turns out that they often understand what is going on a long time before it is revealed, whereas I generally seem to get it as it is being revealed (and sometimes not even then). I wonder if there is somewhere that people who don't get things can go to help them learn how to get things more quickly/better.

Thank you's and surprises.

Before Christmas in the lunch clubs we run we were thinking about being thankful. As part of this the children were making a thank you card to give to someone who had done something for them, or been a great friend, or such like. Several times children said to me 'can I write mine to Father Christmas to say thank you for my presents.' Every time I was asked that question I had to stop myself just before I answered, because the answer I was about to give without thinking was 'No, we are make these cards to send to real people.'

In my dreams last night Gareth and Hayley broke into my flat because they thought it would be a nice surprise if they came and visited me without telling me. And they thought the surprise would be even better if they were already in my flat before I got home. So when I got home and saw I had been broken into I ventured inside to find the intruders were Gareth and Hayley. Gareth made the surprise even bigger by hiding behind a door and jumping out at me. Hayley added to the surprise by having tea cooked ready for when I got home.

Technical

One of the school's I work in has a service in church at the beginning and end of each term. Sometimes I participate in this service, sometimes I just go along for the fun of it. Yesterday I was meant to be going to the service for the fun of it, but ended up operating the sound desk. This should not have been a tricky job. The system had been turned on and set up. Only one mic was being used, and that could be left on when it wasn't being used. For two of the songs being sung CD's were being used. A different CD for each one. For the first song I put the CD in the CD player, cued up the track and got ready to press play. When it was time to press play I pressed the eject button. This did not play the CD, instead it ejected it. So I had to reinsert CD, cue up the right track again and then press play. While everyone was waiting. When I had done this and pressed play the CD wasn't playing loud enough so everyone missed the beginning of the track while I worked out how to turn it up. For the second song I put the CD in, got the track lined up and managed to press the play button at the right time and have the volume at the right level. Just after the song two children were leading some prayers. The song stopped, one of the children said 'Now we are going to pray' and then another song started. I had forgotten to press the stop button on the CD player. I wonder if I will get asked to do that job again.

Joke.

Augustine, Calvin and Barth find themselves waiting outside the throne room on the Day of Judgement. Augustine goes in first, and after half an hour comes out and says to the others: 'It was wonderful! I had all the mysteries of sin, grace and salvation explained to me!'
Next, Calvin goes in, comes out an hour later and says to the others: 'It was wonderful! I had all the mysteries of election, predestination and divine sovereignty explained to me!'
Finally, Barth goes in. After two hours, God comes out and says to the others: 'I've still got no idea what he is talking about!'

Joke.

A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, Genesis 3:10." Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.