Thursday, 30 April 2009

If I was a writer for Neighbours this is what would've happened this week

Zeke: Hello my name is Trent. I am Phil Adams son.
Rachel: No you are not, you are my brother, your name is Zeke.
Zeke: And who are you?
Rachel: I am Rachel, I am your sister.
Zeke: Ah yes, there is something familiar about you. Do we not have another si
Rachel: (interrupting) She so not talk about her, the actress who plays her does not want to be in neighbours at the moment, so even though we thought you were dead she never came to be with us or to help look for you, or to your thanksgiving service or anything like that, so we try not to mention her too much in the hope that the viewers don't think its too weird she's not around.
Zeke: Oh. OK. So my other sister isn't even going to come and see me now that I am found and not dead.
Rachel: No.
Zeke: OK. And who are you.
Libby: I am Libby, your step-sister.
Zeke: Ah I have a step-sister.
Libby: Yes, after your mum died your dad married my mum.
Zeke: Right so my mum is dead.
Libby: Yes.
Zeke: Thanks for telling me.
Libby: I had forgotten that you had no memory.
Zeke: So where are my dad and your mum, can we go see them.
Libby: Hmmm, that may be tricky.
Zeke: Why?
Libby: Oh look, here come my mum and dad now, they will explain to you. Mum, Dad, come and speak to Zeke.
Susan: Zeke, we are so happy you are alive.
Zeke: Please can I see my dad?
Susan: No darling you can't see him, he is dead.
Zeke: Right, so my mum and dad are dead.
Susan: Yes.
Zeke: But they didn't die at the same time.
Susan: No. Your mum died quite a while ago.
Zeke: And then you married my dad?
Susan: Yes. I was married to Libby's dad Karl.
Karl: Hi.
Susan: But then I divorced him, I can't remember why now, it might have had something to do with the fact that every so often the actor who plays him goes to England and plays gigs for students, and so the writers thought the best way to cover for his absence was for us to get divorced.
Zeke: Ok.
Susan: Then I met your dad.
Zeke: And you got married?
Susan: Yes.
Zeke: And we all lived together as one happy family?
Susan: Well not quite so happy, this is a soap after all.
Zeke: So then what happened?
Susan: Well your dad died. And then the actor who plays Karl came back to Australia and wanted to be in Neighbours again.
Karl: The writers thought it would be a great idea if me and Susan married again.
Susan: so we did.
Zeke: Right so let me just get this straight, Rachel is my sister, I have another sister but we can't talk about her in case the viewers think it is strange she is not here in such a time of family distress. My mum died, my dad married Susan, who used to be married to Karl. My dad died. Susan married Karl again.
Rachel: That's right.
Zeke: Is this normal round here then?

Got to ad break. Don't return to hear Zeke's question answered because it is a silly one. In fact don't return to this storyline for another three weeks.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Love it!
I gave up trying to make sense of Neighbours over a period of more than one week a long time ago.